Newt and the Unicorn
by aestias
Summary: Naruto is about to be elected hokage, that is until Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich step in and become  candidates as well. Pairing: Romney/Gingrich


Newt and the Unicorn

Once upon a time in the land of Naruto land, the not so hidden-leaf village needed another hokage. This would be their seventh one so far (which is a bit much, can't they stop dying and stuff?). The elder council (or whatever it's called) of the village decided that the next hokage should be elected by the people. Naruto stepped right up and submitted his name to be on the ballot. Since he's the protagonist of the show every other character felt inadequate and thus didn't put their names on the ballot. Naruto had this election in the bag.

But then, the sky became dark with clouds, much to the chagrin of the weather reporter who said it was only going to be partly cloudy that day. A bolt of lightning shot down from the sky (where else would it come from? North Dakota?) and created a crater in the ground. Rising up from the newly formed pot-hole was a man in a suit. He stepped out of the hole, turned, and smiled at Naruto. He then proceeded to put his name on the ballot. He walked over to Naruto and introduced himself.

"Hello Naruto, my name is Mitt Romney. Pleased to meet you." Mitt said, extending his arm for a hand-shake. Naruto immediately stepped back to where Kakashi was standing to ask him a question.

"Kakashi! What is this guy doing here! I thought I had this election in the bag!"

"Naruto." Kakashi started. "That fact was established in the first paragraph. This is now the fifth paragraph. Things can easily change in that amount of time. Your just going to have to deal with some competition, okay?"

"No! It's not okay! Especially when you use the wrong form of your! It's 'you're' not 'your'." Naruto unnecessarily pointed out and explained.

"Naruto, it's implied that we're talking, so it would sound the same anyway." Kakashi said. He then ran off into the distance to terrorize the world with more bad grammar.

Now that their hissy fit was done with, Naruto went up to Romney to ask him a question. However, before he could do this, out of thin air came a spontaneously generated Newt Gingrich (this is normal, don't worry). He then walked up and put his own name on the ballot as well. Naruto at this point was as furious as a person who was furious. Romney and Gingrich began glaring at each other and prepared for battle.

Newt looked Mitt right in the eye and yelled, "I, Newt Gingrich, command you to drop out of the race!"

Romney looked confused. "Did you just try to use your geass on me?" He asked.

"Yeah, so?" Newt responded.

"That's the wrong anime dude." Romney explained without really explaining anything.

"Shoot, you're right." Gingrich said disappointed. "Now what am I going to do?"

"You're no match for me, Newt." Romney proclaimed. "I have magical powers because I am a contractor!"

"Wait, you mean like from Darker Than Black?" Newt asked.

"Exactly! The only annoying part is my payment. I have to keep changing my position on my beliefs or else I lose my powers." Romney explained.

"Ah, that makes sense." Gingrich said. "Hey, want to go get a bowl of ramen or something and forget this race?"

Romney was 72.3% surprised at this statement. The other 27.7% was hunger. "Sure, I guess."

Gingrich was as happy as a certain kid getting a Nintendo 64 for Christmas. "Let's cut to the chase. Mitt, I'm in love with you. Let's get married right now!"

"Don't you already have a wife?" Mitt asked.

"Lol, idk wat ur talkin about!" Gingrich said in an unnecessary text message to Romney. Gingrich and Romney then decided to get married on the spot. Every yaoi fan girl (and the occasional fan boy) throughout the land gathered to witness the wedding.

"Do you, Newt, take Romney to be your sixth wife?" The priest (who just happened to be there at that moment) said.

"I do!" Newt yelled for no reason.

"And do you Mitt, take Newt to be your husband?"

"I AM A UNICORN!1" Romney yelled at the top of his lungs, shattering the ear drums of 23 people.

"Not again!" Newt yelled. Just as this was happening, Naruto decided to become part of the story again and banished Romney and Gingrich to the shadow realm because he was tired of dealing with ridiculous things. Naruto was then elected hokage and decided to cosplay as Mr. Crocker (from the fairly odd parents) for the rest of his life. THE END.


End file.
